I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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