it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
