I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
