Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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