just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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