dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
