I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
