He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
