He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
