I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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