when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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