i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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