So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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