i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
