They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
