Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
