Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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