There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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