GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
