Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
