somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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