its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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