I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
