I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
