garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
