Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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