dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
