While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
