my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
