even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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