you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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