Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you win again, gameday.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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