It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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