You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Drunk is not a location!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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