I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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