Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The uberlube is also flammable
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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