So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
