I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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