How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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