i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize