I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
