You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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