I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
