too bad you live with your parents still
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
