I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize