Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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