so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
