Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
