so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
