kristin has been a bad kristin
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
