I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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