i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
