If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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