I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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