...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am spending my child support on dildos
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
