$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
