What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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