Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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