my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
