Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
