He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize