its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize