i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
