did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize