white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
